(insert ate Cla in the photo)
While waiting for my phone to finish charging, I spent the past hour and a half just scrolling over old family photos. It made me realize that aging is hitting us hard and it’s hitting us fast. I have to admit that it sucks to be all grown up.
I miss the good old days when we were always complete. I miss it even if we all looked either fat, dark, totoy, nene, jeje, tomboy and what people would normally coin as “ugly.” I miss going on family vacations. I miss going on adventures together on mountains and beaches. I miss getting stranded inside the house for a day or two because there’d be a typhoon outside. I miss spoiling our dogs and bringing them inside the house even if Daddy wouldn’t let us. I miss riding in our small car. I miss being so ashamed to step out of the car because we managed to fit eight people in one small Vios. I miss those moments when we would all just gather in one frame to take dozens of photos as one big happy family. I miss eating meals together. I miss cleaning the house together. I miss going to church together. I miss praying together. I miss crying together. I miss going through life’s struggles together and overcoming it faithfully. I miss it when daddy gets so ‘high blood.’ And how we try so hard to calm him down even if we barely succeed. I miss arguing about where to eat out for lunch and what movie to watch on Sundays. I miss it when ate Charm gets so noisy to the point that even Daddy would get annoyed and ask her to keep quiet. I miss having someone to fight over little things with – I miss always wanting to win against you, ate Cath. I miss feeling like a baby avoiding the scary monster that kuya Mark was. I miss crying and having bruises; knowing that ate Cla would take care of me as if she were my personal nurse. I miss trying to imitate ate Camille just so others would say that I was the little version of her; that I was little Camille. I miss it when Mommy goes to our rooms early in the morning to wake us up for school. I miss mommy’s exotic and not always delicious cooking. I miss hearing mom and dad’s very corny yet witty jokes and puns. I miss spending the whole night just singing videoke with Daddy. I miss waking up on Sunday mornings listening to Daddy’s old songs and recordings. I miss it when Daddy would go to our room at night to tuck us in and close the lights. I miss being daddy’s spoiled date on Sundays. I miss hugging Mommy and Daddy tight during praise and worship at church. I miss hugging, kissing and holding hands with Mommy and Daddy. I miss the special moments when Daddy would caress my hair and kiss me on the forehead.
I miss starting and ending the day with the most important people in my life. I miss living in the same house with all of you – Daddy, Mommy, ate Camille, ate Cla, kuya Mark, ate Charm, and ate Cath. How I wish I could still say “I’m home” everyday, because I can’t. Because home is not a place – home is where the heart is. In my case, my heart has been scattered around the world. Some pieces are in Naga, some in Los Banos, some in Makati, some in Pasig, and some in Miami. My heart has been scattered into pieces and it’s hurting bad. My heart is hurting and it’s hurting more as we age. Oh, how I wish I could invent a teleportation machine, so I could use it to put us all in one place. Then, I could truly say, “I’m home.” I miss all of you. I miss us.
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