Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I’ve been broken too – not just once, but plenty of times. I’ve been broken by countless problems; whether it be from a failed relationship, a conflict in the family, a failure to achieve goals, an extremely painful illness, or a period of loneliness. I know what it’s like to wake up in the morning wishing you had just stayed in your dreams. These were moments of sheer brokenness – the kind of brokenness that drains you of the strength to be you and to do what you need to do.
Many times, I’ve cried myself to sleep. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t help but think and overthink; worry and over worry. There were days when I couldn’t eat or sleep. I would just sit still staring blankly into space; while all of my fears and anxieties crippled whatever was left of my broken heart. The pain would sometimes become too much to bear; making the sweet and compassionate person that I was transform into an easily-angered and hot-tempered monster. I would often distract myself by getting busy or having fun with friends and family. It helped me smile and laugh for a while, but at the end of the night, I would still find myself crying over the same thing.
For several days and weeks and months, it was like this for me. Every day, I prayed to God for healing. Every day, I asked God to remove the pain in my heart. Every day, I waited on God, but still nothing happened. Just like you, I often found myself wanting to give up, but I didn’t.
So today, I’m here to tell you two stories that carried me through my brokenness.
The first story is that of a woman who had been subject to bleeding. She suffered for twelve years, asked for help from many doctors, and spent everything she had just to be healed; but her suffering only grew worse. But, when she heard about the healing power of Jesus, she struggled in the crowd just to get to Him. She had so much faith in Jesus that she believed that touching His cloak would be enough. Jesus then said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” (Matthew 9:18-22; Mark 5:24-34; Luke 8:40-48)
I know there is nothing more that you want than for your problems to be fixed and for the pain to go away; which is why, just like the bleeding woman, you worry too much about finding a way out. But, you don’t have to. You will not be healed by your own efforts. Your problems will not be fixed by your own efforts. There is nothing you need to do but come to Jesus in faith. God wants us to have the same faith that the bleeding woman had. It’s the faith that believes without seeing and longs for Jesus more than anything. It’s the faith that finds joy, comfort and peace in who God is and what His promises are. It’s the faith that believes that God is good, loving and sovereign; so much so that everything happening in your life is part of His perfect plan. It may take time – weeks, months, or years – but no matter how long it takes, you have to hold on to the fact that God is with you and He is fighting for you.
The second story is that of Apostle Paul. Three times, he pleaded for God to remove the thorn in his flesh, but God didn’t grant his request. We do not know what Paul’s thorn in the flesh was, but one thing is for sure, it was a great suffering – one that made him very weak. It was a great suffering that he couldn’t handle on his own. Unlike the bleeding woman, Paul didn’t get what he wanted. The beauty in his story is that he got just what he needed. Paul continued to suffer, but that didn’t stop him from experiencing the healing of Jesus. In that moment of weakness, God gave him strength; so much strength that he was able to turn all of his hardships as testaments of God’s power and glory. (2 Cor. 12:8-10).
You have to accept that there will be instances wherein God will allow you to suffer more and suffer longer because He wants to change your heart before He changes your circumstances. In fact, there will even be instances where God will not change your circumstances at all. But even when He doesn’t change the circumstances or when He doesn’t remove the pain, He is with you. He will give you strength. He will carry the burden for you. Just come to Him in faith.
You see, the healing that Jesus offers us is far more extensive than what we think it is. It’s the healing that surpasses all of our pain and all of our desires. God’s healing does not come from a change of circumstance, but from a change of heart. Healing comes from faith. Whether or not God answers yes to your prayers, there is healing. Whether or not you get what you want, there is healing. Whether or not the pain is removed from your heart, there is healing.
God worked in my life the same way He did with Paul. He didn’t change my circumstance. He didn’t remove my suffering. Some of my problems grew worse and some never worked out the way I wanted them to. But, God has told me the very same words He once said to the bleeding woman. “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” And here I am today joyfully boasting of my hardships for God’s glory.
By faith, I have been healed by Jesus. Let Him do the same for you. Come to Him in faith.
Your friend,
Charlene.
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